The Apparition

[Jill Taylor hair circa 1997]

                The narrator, Mona Watson, tells us that she is mentally distraught after a horrendous year of disasters. We find out that Mona’s parents just died not long ago, her marriage is falling apart and she had a nervous breakdown that required hospitalization. Mona is falling apart mentally and is stressed Beyond Belief. She’s also about to tell us a “crazy” story we are supposed to believe. Certainly she isn’t crazy. Certainly it’s really going to be a ghosty. Right?

If you were hoping there was some sort of reliability from our narrator you’re out of luck. If the only evidence you plan to give is hearsay and conjecture it’s going to be a tough sell to the jury when they find out she was just HOSPITALIZED by reason of INSANITY. But you know what? Fuck it. Let’s hear this story.

                Mona begins to tell us how she has been having hallucinations but only when she goes upstairs and looks into a large foyer mirror. This time however, to no one’s surprise but her own she sees a woman in the mirror. Ha ha. It’s herself, see? Because she’s the woman? Wait, what’s that directly behind you?

[Maybe Mona’s husband has a secret hobby.]

Just Kidding. LOL. It’s a dead woman directly behind you. But when she turns around there’s nothing there. And the story cuts to the next day as her psychiatrist reassures her that she isn’t insane and that it really is a ghost. Wait. Instead of a relapse of mental instability as Mona’s world is “closing in on her,” the doctor thinks it’s MUCH more likely a ghost? Brilliant.

Then the husband makes a rational suggestion. “Get rid of the mirror.” Problem solved. No more ghosts. No more insanity. End of story. Well this story wraps up rather tidy and in an unexpectedly short amount of time. Except instead, the psychiatrist again gives terrible advice and Mona and John decide to keep the haunted mirror.

That night after some feng-shuiing of furniture to delay going to bed, Mona delivers the line, “I rearranged the things in the house because I couldn’t rearrange the thoughts in my head.” Damn, I wonder if that one-liner was inspired by an actual one-liner. When she does go upstairs to bed, she has to leave the hall light on to avoid the mirror. Sure the husband could do it but he’s already in his jammies, and tucked in for the sandman to visit, and he’s got the fucking dictionary to read; so really, it’d be more trouble for him to get out of bed and deal with the haunted mirror than to just make Mona do it.

[“Finally I’ll learn what words start with the letter J]

Mona walks past the mirror and sees the same dead woman like last time and wails for her husband to come save her. The blood effects make it look like she’s just covered in red Kool-Aid. Her husband comes and the ghost vanishes again. It’s a well-documented fact that ghosts only appear when no one of credibility is there to confirm their existence. Well, her story checks out.

 It cuts to a dark and stormy night inside of their dark and scary house and Mona is stuck without her husband. Mona decides the best thing to do is to go upstairs to sleep with the light on, but first she covers up the mirror with a blanket. Little does she know, ghosts aren’t actually afraid of blankets. But they do prefer duvets. Then shit gets real. An actual burglar breaks into her house. Mona, of course, goes to investigate, even though the music is remarkably ominous. Don’t these people ever hear the soundtrack and think, “This is the violin-striking murder victims hear before being gutted.” The burglar comes up behind her and grabs her by the neck. After a brief struggle, she quickly succumbs to the burglar. However, in the tussle he has carelessly let loose the ghost in the mirror by knocking off the blanket. When the camera pans to the mirror we see the Kool-aid girl in the place of Mona. The sight of the ghost knocks him back, over the railing of the stairway, slamming headfirst into the floor. The prowler then runs away and is later caught by the cops jabbering on about a woman in the mirror or something. The story, for me though, ends with this fall.

[Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Brolin’s One Liner: “Is this story inspired by actual events, or merely smoke and mirrors?”

Casey’s Comments: I bet they titled this story without realizing half of the other stories were all going to be about apparitions too. I believe this story though, because the only thing we are asked to believe is that a crazy woman assumed the burglar saw the same hallucination. He could just as easily have tripped over the blanket and fell down the stairs. Fact.

Dale’s Comments: I would’ve thought it was fact too and be inclined to agree with you my friend. But the fall is what makes it unbelievable. He just fell two-stories, onto his head. Then...AND THEN he has the strength and energy to run away? No way, he’d be dead.

Casey: That wasn’t the actual fall.

Dale: But it was inspired by an actual fall. This is Beyond Belief.

Fact or Fiction: Fact.